Some paths feel very straightforward. Hiking in Zion earlier this year, we set out on a very clear path. It was mostly… up. One side of the trail was always a wall and the other a cliff. This was wildly unnerving, but we knew which way we were headed. Only one way to the destination.
I spent a good portion of the trail contemplating turning back, until I got to the point where I might as well just finish because going down was also going to be scary. It was in the midst of some very short, very steep switchbacks where the folks going up were breathing hard and trying to keep going and the folks heading back down were trying to be encouraging, “Almost there! Totally worth it!”
It was worth it to see the view as well as to remember that even things that scare me might be okay. That I was capable of pushing through. I didn’t feel steady on my feet again until we were completely down with the trail, the jelly of my body finally subsiding. The whole way down I kept close to the wall even when it meant I was in the way of others, but we made it back to a quiet log to watch a creek trickle by. Rebalanced (literally and mentally) I could carry on.
This month I made a pitstop in Croatan National Forest on the way to New Bern and hopped on a very different kind of trail. No cliff faces or inclines, just creek side wanderings hidden in a world of trees and ferns and greenery. The only discomfort I encountered was the incredible number of webs trying to trap my face. I spent most of the hike trying out different ways to keep out of the spider webs and wondering if I was on the right trail. Wasn’t this only supposed to be 2 miles? Would I make it to lunch in New Bern on time? How many spiders were crawling through my hair right now?
I was annoyed to be unnerved on a very lowkey trail and had to remind myself that hiking is not the same as strolling through manicured gardens. While I might not be off the beaten path, I was still in a world where humans didn’t come first. To experience it required me to give up some comfort, even if just the comfort of knowing the path before me is clear.
We, civilization, have taken away the hardship and replaced it with comfort. Comfort I am grateful for and yet also remain skeptical of. We try to keep our homes free of the natural world (house plants are okay but spiders and roaches are not). We mostly traverse well paved and well-marked roads. We keep our homes at the perfect temperature year-round (not mine actually, much to my family’s chagrin). All of this is delightful but when faced with unclear paths and spider web faces, we are inexperienced and unprepared. We aren’t used to uphill battles, metaphorical or otherwise and there is some value in that.
The trails are not the only teacher a person might choose but they are one way to remind myself that I capable of more. That I am small in a big world. That the world is truly magical when we remember to look. That it is worth saving. That the path forward may be unmarked, but we will find a way - as individuals and collectively.
Reading: I just finished two fantastic and very different books. It Had to Be You by Georgia Clark was a very cozy romance that was fun and light while still dealing with harder topics (death, divorce, privacy, race and class, etc.) The Left Hand of Darkness is a sci-fi novel that took me quite a while to get into but was very thought provoking. I knew it would contain commentary on gender, but its discussion of patriotism was unexpected and really got my wheels turning.
Watching: Apparently, I’m watching KPop Demon Hunters and listening the soundtrack, a lot. Like a lot, a lot. The boys and I went to the singalong at the movie theater and sang our hearts out. I won’t be sad when this phase is over, but I have to admit, it’s been pretty cute. Austin’s favorite is Your Idol and Haines loves Takedown
Parenting: School’s back! I wasn’t quite ready for it until the last day of summer when my kids reminded me how distance makes the heart grow fonder… and we needed some distance. Sitting on my porch now I can hear the kids yelling and playing at the school playground across the street which feels like complete joy. And yet, we are barely back to school in the US and there’s already been a school shooting. I mourn for their families and for our country that seems to act as though there is no way out of this.
Cute ..and relatable...read😁
You were silk blazing! I have tried many things to try to keep the spider webs off of my face while hiking. Best thing I have found is to trade places and have someone else blaze the trail in front of me...unless they are shorter than me and then it is still a face full of silk. Your newsletter always brings me joy and is much appreciated. Solidarity and hugs to you and your sweet tribe!